The Pink Tower

The Pink Tower

by | Dec 21, 2022 | Homeschool, Parenting, Sensorial, Sensory DIYs

A material I wanted right off the bat when I started homeschooling was the Pink Tower. It is iconic, well known, easily recognized. A Montessori space should have a Pink Tower right? It took me three years to finally decide to purchase a pink tower. Before I did so I did a lot of reading and research about how I could make the material myself. I want to share today why I decided this was one material that is not worth making yourself.

So to start, what is the Pink tower and what does it do? It is one of Maria Montessori’s sensorial materials. It is used to teach visual discrimination of size. Like me you may think oh great, I can use any nesting blocks and they would function in a similar way. However there is much more to the pink tower than just size discrimination! Firstly when you pick up the largest block of the tower you will notice right away that is has quite a bit of weight to it. It weighs much more than the smaller blocks in the set. The blocks do not only differ in size, they differ in weight in a way that is very noticeable. Much more so than with hollow nesting blocks. When a young child carries the blocks to their workspace they can feel the difference in size as much as they can see it. The size differences is also significant. They do not just become gradually smaller. The smallest block is 1 cm where the largest block is 10 cm. A child can check if their work with the Pink tower is correct by placing the smallest cube upon each level of the tower and seeing if it fits. The pink tower is an exact match in size to the brown stairs so the materials can be used together. This material also is an indirect introduction to some math concepts that the child will use later in their education such as the decimal system! My point is that painting a nesting blocks set pink simply will not recreate this material and it will not be useful in the long term.

So I moved on to trying to decide if I could make it myself with solid wood. I considered this for a long while, and my husband and I discussed how we would do it and what tools and materials we would need. We quickly realized that we were not equipped for the precise nature of this material and it would be no easy feat with our limited resources. At this point we decided that we would purchase the material if we deemed it necessary.

We bought it for the children last year for Christmas. They were drawn to it immediately. My then four year old commented that he loved feeling the blocks. He couldn’t express what about them appealed to him but I believe it was the weight as he often picks up and admires the largest block in the series. However as much as he admires it, he never uses it. He compared the different cubes to other materials that he realized matched exactly such as the brown stairs and the table of Pythagoras. Then after the satisfaction of those discoveries ignored the tower forevermore. Little Miss who is two and a half and closer to the correct age the tower was designed for finds much more joy from the tower. Nearly every day she constructs the tower, says to herself, “I did it” and returns it to the shelf. Every time we tidy the playroom she ensures that the tower is properly arranged and most days points out that its pretty, or it looks just right. She adores the pink tower. It will be interesting to see how much use the tower receives in the next year as Little Miss gets older and starts to receive introductions to other materials in our homeschool inventory. I am excited to see her make the connections that her brother did in a more graduated way, as she is not previously familiar with the materials as he was when we purchased the tower.

My final review is this. If you want the Pink Tower then purchase it early on. Any diy will be expensive and challenging. If you wait to purchase your child likely will not get too much use from it. As always if your child attends a Montessori school avoid purchasing any of the materials as it may be confusing, and is unnecessary. However if you homeschool like me, then the Pink Tower is a beautiful addition. Not mandatory, but lovely nonetheless.

Preparing for a Five year Old

Preparing for a Five year Old

by | Dec 21, 2022 | Homeschool, Parenting, Toddler Environment

Mr Man is getting older and taller and recently I realized that he has outgrown the little kids table and chair set we have been using the last four years. His materials are also growing in complexity and need a larger space to be spread out and used effectively out of the reach of Little Miss’s curious reach. We decided to set up my old desk on the one side of the playroom to create a space just for Mr Man. The children who visit my home for preschool each morning, and Little Miss have all been told it is a space for children five and up. They have acceped this explanation and not one of the children have explored or disrupted the space.

We also set a narrow shelf up beside the desk with the more complicated materials. The division and multiplication boards, the moveable alphabet, and the stamp game all permantly reside here. I will be adding more shelves and materials as we work through them and he moves more into abstraction. Mr Man loves that he has a safe space to store his paper work, his scissors and cutting materials, and his books. While the younger children play I can sit with him at the table and show him a material. Then I can move through the room as usual from child to child while he works undisturbed. So far it is working out beautifully!

To be completly honest I am not happy with the change. Sure it is functional, but it does not appeal to me aesthically. I am not a fan of the metal chair. The room no longer looks like a sweet little preschool space. It feels more crowded. However I am choosing to ignore the side of me that wants a pinterest playroom in order to indulge the educator in me who sees the necessity for this change. Aethetics are important in a child’s space but, sometimes in browsing my Montessori and Homeschooling Facebook groups I notice that aesthetics are being valued over the practicality. No matter how beautiful a play space is, if it does not serve the children who use it then it is pointless. So for now I will keep this space functional and maybe over time I will find a way to make the chair more appealing and find some organizational method to clear the surfaces and make it all appear cleaner.

“Children need to know who is in charge”

“Children need to know who is in charge”

by | Oct 19, 2022 | Christian Parenting, Discipline, Parenting

Another argument that I mentioned in my introduction to this series is as follows, “children need to know who is in charge” and the arguer is often trying to make the case that you must use punitive, and often physical discipline to make sure that the children understand this point well.

Here is the problem with that argument. Even if you never punish a child, even if you never correct them, even if you do nothing to enforce this point, your child knows. They recognize their vulnerability. It is part of the reason why siblings compete for attention and resources. That competitor is a threat to their relationship with their provider. A child knows when they are too small to reach something. They recognize that they cannot drive a car or wipe their own bottom. They may know what they want to eat, but they do not know how to acquire and prepare it.

Older children who are becoming more competent and independent still recognize that they need help in their day to day lives. They naturally look to their adults for that leadership. It is their job to push back, to test limits, and to break rules. This is how they learn where they fit into their social structure, and in the ideally safe space of their home they can navigate ethics and rule breaking and the consequences. It doesn’t change that they know they are not in charge.
Even the teenager in the height of their rebellion and fight for independence desperately needs to know that they have the unconditional connection to their adults. They know they are not the ones paying all the bills, and they are likely still afraid to schedule their own doctors’ appointments. No matter how they try to throw off the power of authority over them they still recognize that it is there. They are still driven to please those adults that they hold in the highest esteem and ideally those adults would be their parents.
So, then my response to that initial argument that, “children need to know who is in charge” is simple. They already do. Now how are you going to hold onto that authority and respect? How are you going to keep their trust? Manipulation, behaviorism, and physical shows of power will not strengthen your authority. It will just keep your child in line until they realize that they can overpower you. It may keep them in line in front of you, but they will not trust your judgement for what they do when you are not looking. They will not trust you with their secrets and failures because you have created a relationship that is unbalanced in power and respect.
They know you are in charge, and you know you are in charge. The much more important question is what will you do with that power?
“I was spanked, and I turned out fine!”

“I was spanked, and I turned out fine!”

by | Oct 18, 2022 | Christian Parenting, Discipline, Parenting

A while back I made an introductory post regarding the topic of spanking and discussed my plans to dive deeper into the subject matter. I had listed a number of common objections people make when they are defending the use of spanking in the parenting of young children. I think the most common response I have heard is this, “I was spanked, and I turned out fine.” or along similar lines, “Spanking taught me respect and I thank my parents for that”. It is a tough statement to argue because with that one statement the objector has made this argument personal, and subjective all at once. No matter how much data you mention, studies you cite, or ethical arguments you make the objector can simply restate that they are proof that it is fine. No harm was done, and it is safe to repeat. I think the problem is that people who advocate against spanking so often focus on the data and the studies (that are numerous and very easy to access by the way) and dodge the argument that is being made. They do not want to say that no you did not turn out fine. No, you experienced trauma. No, you do not understand your own experience and I feel confident in invalidating that experience. That would be cruel and dishonest. However, in saying that they turned out fine, and therefor spanking is fine the objector is also invalidating the experiences of others. The experiences of many.
So here is where I stand on this particular argument. It is not the place of any one individual to discredit or ignore somebody else’s experience and argue from a place of subjective opinions. However, when somebody is making an emotional and subjective claim that they believe trumps any objective claims it needs to be disarmed before you can continue with an objective and fruitful conversation. The common advice in discussions is to argue the objective with the subjective and vice versa. This is a more unique argument in my opinion. When you are criticizing a parenting technique then a few possibilities arise no matter how respectful you attempt to be. First the listener may have used that technique in the past, and may feel judged or attacked. This will not leave much room for a good conversation. Secondly, this technique may have been used by the listener’s parents. In this case they may feel you are criticizing their parents, and in cases where that parent is sick or has passed those emotions, and the defensiveness may be all that much stronger. We tend to remember or paint people in a better light as they become more vulnerable. Thirdly, they could recognize truth in your words. They may resonate with some of the research and that can definitely strike a nerve if a person is not ready to face those feelings. So, whatever the case, it is very likely that the conversation will become emotional once this argument is made.
Once somebody is on the defense about a particular choice then they are waiting for any misstep, any perceived trap, any thing you may use against them. This is just not productive, and not helpful or encouraging to anyone. So rather than get into the research in this post (that will be for another day) or dive into the arguments for why they probably are not entirely okay, or suggesting that anyone should invalidate anyone else’s experience I would like to suggest a number of questions. Questions that are meant to understand the other person better. They are not meant to disarm or argue. They are simply meant to open up the discussion a little more and get everyone off of the defensive and into a real conversation.
1) You seem to be remembering your childhood fondly! What was it like?
2) What were your parents like?
3) What were you like as a kid?
4) What are your parents like now?
5) How are they with your children?
6) Have you ever thanked them for the way they parented you?
7) Do you think they have regrets?
8) So, you said you spank like your parents did, do you do other things the same also?
9) Are there things you wouldn’t do like your parents?
10) Did you ever have a really bad teacher?

These are just a few conversation movers. I am listing them as ideas for how to propel a conversation away from an argument but still have childhood be remembered in a more accurate manner. We tend to skew things when remembering our past, but sometimes while recounting certain situations other memories come to the forefront as well. The last question about the bad teacher is one that I find people become very animated in discussing. We remember the adults who wronged us as children, and often in fantastic detail. I have also noticed that when people recount their bad teacher experiences it goes hand in hand with how their parents reacted to their experience at school. Again, this is not a trap. If they suddenly remember that their parents treated them poorly in a certain situation, or that they were perhaps not as perfect as they originally tried to argue it does not need to be pointed out. It is much more powerful to say nothing. To just listen. To show them the same respect that we advocate for on behalf of young children.

Ultimately when somebody says that they turned out fine there is absolutely nothing you can (or should) say to prove them wrong. It really is a case of your word, against their word. And maybe they really did turn out amazing! Still, any kind of reflection on childhood, on remembering the way it feels to be a child, the way helplessness feels. The way powerlessness feels. Any connection with their inner child so to speak can only work to help in moving past that argument and into much more productive conversation.

House Rules

House Rules

by | Oct 17, 2022 | Discipline, Parenting, Parenting Hacks, Parenting preschoolers, Parenting Toddlers

When we bring sweet newborn babies home, we are rarely thinking about the rules we will expect them to follow. We are far too preoccupied with making sure they are fed, clean, and getting what we hope is an appropriate amount of sleep. Then as the newborn days fade and the reality of parenthood sets in we tend to set our sights on things like routines and milestones. After all that chubby little potato is not getting into any mischief at this point, they are still learning how to use their bodies and will. Then the toddler years come tearing through our lives before we have a chance to realize that this little person is changing faster than we are realizing. At this point many parents start to state rules and boundaries during periods of perceived mischief. No, you cannot touch the outlet. No, you may not touch my coffee. No, you cannot climb on the table. It can feel like it never ends. Sometimes we have done our research on how to speak to young children and those rules may sound more like this; oh, you want to climb. The table isn’t safe let’s climb on the couch. Instead of no running you may remember to say walking feet, or the quick and easy walk! These are better but in the mayhem of the toddler years sometimes it is easy to forget that this brand-new human being does not know the basis for these rules. They have no reason to think that it is dangerous, unethical, or unkind to do certain actions. They have impulses, and they act on them!
However, if you are stating rules left, right and centre and any of those rules happen to contradict you better believe that little person will notice. They will have to keep testing and pushing your boundaries to see what exactly the real expectation is in any given situation. Another thing to keep in mind is that for a toddler or a preschooler remembering a ton of rules for distinct situations is extremely challenging. They may not necessarily understand why they can walk and eat at home, but must remain seated at a restaurant. Why they can run inside the gym of their daycare, but must walk in every other indoor space. Why they do not need to wear pants at home, but they are required to wear them at their childminder’s house which to them, ideally feels like a second home. So then recognizing the confusion in the little person’s face many adults will attempt to explain their reasoning. We want to explain it well and so we use many words and perhaps some examples. For the toddler, who takes a little longer to process information than we may think, this wordiness is frustrating and more confusing. Imagine trying to enjoy playing a new board game, and the person you are playing with keeps stopping you to explain the why behind the rules. That game would soon lose its appeal, and your friend would be starting to get under your skin.
At this point I am sure you are wondering what my point in all of this really is. It is simple really, when your child is very young, still an infant ideally, sit down with every adult who lives in your home and decide upon a few house rules. The big umbrella rules that can cover all the little corrections you may need to make in the future. Rules that can last the entirety of the time this child spends under your roof. Rules that you can reference to that little baby touching the outlet, to the toddler, climbing the table, to the preschooler screaming no, and to the teenager sneaking out of the house. Rules that will become so well known and understood that you do not need to explain it each and every time. You can correct with less words, and older siblings can remember and use them with their younger siblings as well. In having fewer rules there are many benefits. One is that your child will not need to test quite as many boundaries, but believe me they will still test. Two, your child will be able to remember the rules from a much younger age, this does not mean that they have the ability to follow them- their brains are still quite immature! Three, it will encourage your child to consider for themselves why we behave the way that we do. It will encourage deeper and more considerate thought than relying on the adult to state the many different rules each day. Four, it will feel a lot less overwhelming. It is discouraging to be corrected constantly. It is disheartening to feel like you are always in the wrong. Having known and agreed upon rules can make that much less necessary. You can give subtler reminders rather than always correcting which empowers the child to remember the correct course of action. Lastly, and I think most importantly having agreed upon rules that do not change will ensure that your older child does not think your rules are arbitrary. A teenager who thinks that their parents are just making up rules to control them, or be mean is much less likely to respect their parents than a teen who has grown up with a set of consistent rules and expectations that have not changed. A bonus is that it is a lot less work on the adult to have another authority to point to. It will not work for the teens, but for the younger children simply telling them “The rule says” can be enough to make a child accept what you are saying with less fuss.
All of that being said I want to share the three house rules we have in our home.

1) We do our jobs. (This will be explained below)
2) We respect other people.
3) We respect belongings.

That is it. Those are the rules we run our home with and essentially every other correction or rule can fall under these three. As for the first rule I think I need to explain what those jobs are. For the children that means they do their job, which is to listen to mommy and daddy. I want to be clear here, I mean listen to what we are saying and engage with it. I do not mean obey our every command. It is expected that our children will listen to what we say, and they are welcome to discuss it with us respectfully. In some cases, they may need to obey as well, such as in a case of them neglecting a responsibility. In other cases, they may not need to, if we ask a favour, they are of course welcome to decline. We see their interactions with us here as a critical point for them to practice holding boundaries, negotiating, and compromising. We are the safest people for them to test those skills on, and it is our goal to empower them with those skills.

Rule one also applies to us adults. Our job is to teach our children, and do our best to keep them healthy and safe. So sometimes in order for us to do our job, and follow our own rules we need to override our toddler’s will. For example, if our toddler does not want to brush her teeth. We will remind her that our job is to keep her healthy, and brushing teeth helps keep her healthy. We give one opportunity for our toddler to cooperate after that reminder of the rules and then we gently do it for her, restraining her as gently as possible. Afterwards we empathize, hug, and reflect on what happened. We do not try to convince our children to do as we ask, we don’t bribe or threaten. We just remind them of their job, our jobs, and then do what is necessary as quickly as possible to get it over with. The longer it is drawn out, the more upsetting an ordeal it becomes.

Rule two covers a whole range of things. Instead of having to explain each and every time why we cannot push, bite, grab, or pull on another person we can point out that is not respectful to that person. Or if the situation is safe, we can ask, “does that choice seem respectful to that person?” It can easily be used in moments of attitude as well. “The way you said that felt disrespectful to me. Did you mean for it to be that way?” Often, I find my five-year-old did not intend any disrespect and he is flabbergasted when he is told it felt disrespectful. He often will correct himself and ask how he can say it more kindly. On the flip side the children expect that same amount of respect. I have had the humbling experience of having my five-year-old tell me, “I don’t like the way you are speaking to me. I think you need space”. He was right I was not being respectful. He felt safe enough, and empowered enough to recognize it and correct me. I apologized and adjusted the way I was speaking to him. Another interesting way we see this rule explored is through the expression of emotions. Especially anger. We often remind the children that it is okay to be angry, but they must remain respectful. That may look like walking away so that they do not say something in anger. It may look like screaming to stop themselves from hitting. It may look like just yelling space- something our whole family understands is necessary to remain respectful at times of big feelings. After the anger is under control we reconnect and repair as needed. Rule two requires some sort of repair if somebody is treated with disrespect. They do not need to say sorry, but they need to take some action to make things right. We leave it up to each family member how they approach that task. We hope that it will give the children plenty of practice in making repairs now, so that as they encounter different people and situations as adults, they will understand how to repair rifts- and how sorry is simply not good enough.

Rule three covers just about everything else. We respect belongings, whether they are ours or somebody else’s. They are meant to be treated with respect, not damaged or misused. That applies to walls, art supplies, pets, cars, toys, and basically anything else they come across. I don’t really like considering live animals as belongings but technically that is what they are, and they do fit in this category. It is because of this rule that I am able to keep all of our art materials at toddler height even on days when I provide daycare and have six children under five in my home. They very quickly learn how to use those supplies respectfully. Supplies that are not used respectfully are put away. Not for long, whenever we leave a room, I reset it. So, the very next time the children enter that room they again have the opportunity to use that material respectfully. They also have the trust to do it. There have been three incidents total of children drawing on walls or furniture in the four years I have provided childcare. In each instance the child cleaned it, and then they never repeated the action. There was no drama, no anger, no punishment. Just a reminder of the rule and then we moved on.

So far, these rules are serving us well. I hope they can carry into the older child and teen years. I can see rule two applying to wanting to be out late and to modesty. I can see rule three applying to borrowing the car, or sharing make up (yuck!) I am very aware that there may need to be tweaks to the rules as time goes on but as it stands I think they are a great tool in our home. I suggest sitting down and coming up with your own (minimal) list of family rules as well. Make sure you know why you have them. Your toddler will ask you approximately three billion times, and having an answer is handy. Give yourself a break from inventing rules and reasons in the moment. It is much easier to have a few to refer to for you and for the littles as well. For my Christian readers I intend to follow this post up (hopefully soon!) on my Christian parenting page with the scripture that you can reference when discussing different aspects of the rules. I will also talk about the overarching rule that these three stem out of in our home.
Changing Days

Changing Days

by | Oct 11, 2022 | Christian Parenting, Parenting, Parenting preschoolers, Parenting Toddlers

My first baby is a month away from his fifth birthday. It is impossible to imagine a life without this this spunky little man, but it also seems impossible to understand how these past five years have moved by so quickly. I remember being reminded that the nights were long but the years were quick while scrolling forums during late night nursing sessions. I remember counting down the minutes until my husband would get home, and I would have another adult to talk to. I remember how long some of those early days felt. Somewhere along the way I found my footing and stopped stumbling through the days, and instead began running. Systemizing everything, making most of my life easy to live through on autopilot. We eat at set times, play at set times, and sleep at set times. Sure we threw an adventure to the zoo or park in between these routine days of monotony but for the most part as my baby grew into a toddler we developed a pretty set routine. Then just before baby two was born the pandemic struck. I marvelled at how not much had changed during the pandemic. Our routine stayed pretty similar although we were missing out on our visits with family and physically attending church. Our day to day, our play, and our meals stayed relatively unchanged. The problem is that when you are running through life it is hard to stop and notice the small but amazing things all around you.

Over the course of the pandemic I, like so many others, considered my life. I realized that I needed to be more engaged, and less routined. There was a definite balance that I needed to find, and at the same time I knew routine was still crucial for my young kids. The first thing I changed was my mobility. At thirty one years old I finally started driving, and it opened up a huge new world for me and my kids. The second thing I changed was my work situation. Pre pandemic I was working full time and a home daycare provider. Post pandemic I had started working only two full days a week. I still felt like the balance was not quite right and considered my work options. I have now switched to five half days a week offering a preschool program from my home. My kids and I have a reason to get up at the same time every day, our mornings look relatively the same day to day (with different children attending) and we engage in a lot of play and planned activities. After lunch our daycare friends head home and I am left with the afternoon to homeschool, and adventure with my children. This is an area we are still struggling to manage well, transitioning out of nap times, balancing outings with chores and errands. Figuring out how much school is right for us in this season.

What I have noticed since making these changes is that our days do not blend together as much anymore. I feel like I am seeing more, experiencing more of our day to day life. I think the balance I am searching for between change and routine is similar to the changing seasons. I want our days to be predictable enough that we are comfortable and not anxious, but change enough that we notice the end of one and start of another. Some things I want to try in the coming months to help me keep things fresh and engaging are as follows:

1) I want to change my decor more often. Even if it means just sewing some new covers for my cushions, and painting some new art to hang on the walls. I have noticed that whenever I decorate for fall or Christmas there is a sense of excitement and my kids and I comment on and soak up the changes. There are beautiful seasons and changes happening in nature from month to month, and I want to try to embrace those changes in my home. Rotate our throw blankets to match different couch cushions, hang themed art work, put out different centrepieces that we can create together. Small and simple changes that will help us mark changing time.

2) I want to try more seasonal cooking. Rather than eating the same meals week after week, I am going to embark on a cooking adventure and try encorporating more seasonal foods and dishes.

3) I may bring themes back to my homeschool and daycare days. I find the kids find the themes exciting, and while they are more work on my side of things, the reward outweighs the cost I believe.

4) Plan more seasonally appropriate adventures. There is always a feeling of loss when summer comes to an end. I find we try to squeeze so much into the warm days and then the rest of the year we wait. This year I want to squeeze as much as we want into each season. Fall hikes, winter beach trips with cocoa, and dancing in the spring rain. Finding ways to embrace every season and enjoy them, rather than watching them drift by as we run through our routines.

Anyways that is it for my reflection this morning, hopefully at this time next year as my sons sixth birthday approaches I will be able to sit back and reflect on how much we soaked up the time together, Noticed the day to day life, savoured it, and walked unrushed together through our daily lives.