K.I.S.S.

K.I.S.S.

by | Sep 12, 2022 | Homeschool, Parenting, Sensory DIYs, Toddler Activities

I think by now my love for felt has become pretty evident. I use it often in my materials and I find it incredibly versatile. The fact that I can often find it at my local dollar stores makes it even more appealing to me. Besides the low price tag and versatility it is also extremely easy to store! The felt mat I have pictured in this post was an activity that I made to accompany our land, air and water impressionistic lesson. After my children and I had sat down and discussed what was land, what was water, and what was air I realized that they were still very interested in exploring the concepts but the impressionistic lesson did not leave much for them to work on independently. So I spent twenty minutes with my sewing machine creating a simple mat that depicts some land, some water and a little dash of the sky. I did not include any trees or bushes purposely to extend the usefulness of the material, I had in mind already an extension I could use it for when we started exploring animal habitats. The mat has since been used with our original jars that show land, air and water. It has been used with small animal figurines, and vehicle figurines. It has been used with our colour tablets for identifying and matching colours. It has joined our blocks as a simple invitation to play. It has been hung behind a simple dinosaur invitation to play as a back drop. This quick little DIY is a reminder that sometimes simple is the most beneficial. If I had added much more complexity to the mat then I would have lost so much versatility. The reason it is so useful is because it is so plain.
Whenever I am planning on purchasing or creating a material I try to keep in mind the saying my Dad used to tell me on occassion, the KISS principle (Keep It Simple Stupid). Its a funny little saying but it honestly holds a lot of truth in four words. Keeping it simple, keeps it open. I actually forgot this principle when I made my second felt mat for my children after this one was such a hit. I made an underwater scene complete with coral and vibrant colours. I noticed my children were not using it much at all and then I realized something. It was way too specific. It did not work as anything more than a play mat for toy animals because it was so zoomed in to a specific scene. That coupled with the fact that the sea creature figures we have would not live in such a habitat made the mat basically useless. I forgot to keep it simple and the result was a waste of my time, and my felt. For now that felt scene is kept on my desk while I try to brainstorm a way to use it. I may end up adding some more details and adding it to my continent boxes, further minimizing its utility but at least giving it a function.
I think sometimes when looking at homeschooling, Montessor at home, or parenting in general we have a tendency to overcomplicate things. I often see posts on my facebook groups asking how to extend a child’s interest in door knobs, or replicate an opening and closing activity because the child loves to open and close cupboards. As much as I love to create DIYs and extend activities I think this is another area to consider how you can KISS. If a child is fascinated by door knobs then you do not have to do a thing. Sit back and watch them examine the doorknobs that are conviently installed all around your house. Maybe point out some other kinds of door knobs while on an outting. You do not need to replicate it in the form of an activity especially since this would not be an activity that would last very long at all. If a child has a skill or an interest and they have found a safe way to satisfy the desire to explore it on their own, then in most cases it is more valuable to let them do that, than it is to create your own way to do the same thing. Unless there is a safety concern, let the child explore what they have found works to satisfy that curiousity!
“You do it”

“You do it”

by | Aug 19, 2022 | Parenting, Parenting preschoolers, Parenting Toddlers

Yesterday I posted about my approach to the toddler refrain, “Me do it”. Today I want to touch on the opposite statement that I have been hearing often from my four year old. “You do it”. Lately he has been asking for help with things he is fully capable of doing. He asks for help with his shoes which he has managed independently for three years. He asks for help getting snacks that he has been prepping for himself for two years. He asks for help bathing which he has been doing mostly independently for nearly a year now.

Additionally I have noticed that often when I ask him to do things for me that he replys, “no you do it”. I mention this separately because I think this is a very different situation.

When he asks me for help with things he already knows how to do, I see it as a bid for connection and care. He seems a little intimidated by the increasing challenges that are coming with his getting older. He sees me spending a lot of time helping Little Miss with her toileting. He sees me doing her hair every morning. He sees me teaching her how to put her shoes on. He sees me bathe her and the giggles and games that accompany each of these instances. He dresses himself and brushes his hair, he uses the bathroom fully independently. He does not have these care moments of connection that we used to have together. Simultaneously our expectations of him have increased. We know he can keep his space clean, so we expect it. We know he can brush his own teeth, and we expect it from him.

When I noticed the increase in asking for help I realized that he needed reassurance. Reassurance that he is still our little boy, that we are still there to care for him, and that we care just as much about him as his little sister. I have been operating under the principle that if I know he has mastered a task, and he asks me for help that I will help him unless I am absolutely unable to. He knows how to get dressed, he won’t lose the ability if I help him pull a shirt over his head. He knows how to wash his hair, he won’t lose that ability by me doing it for him a few times. What he gains from these acts is confidence that I am still there to care for him- no different than making my husband a coffee as a way to show I care. Just becaure a child is capable, it doesn’t mean in every circumstance that we should force independence. It seems to be a two steps forward, one step back kind of situation. A child runs towards independence, then they become frightened by the responsibility and freedom it entails, and run back towards the caregiver for reassurance before venturing towards independence once again.

Now the other circumstance I mentioned I see very differently. When I ask Mr Man to do something for me and he says, “no you do it”, I think it can be coming from two different root causes. Determining which it is I think is really important. Sometimes I ask him to do something for me that is a favour, asking me to grab a clean shirt for his sister for instance. He has every right to say, “no”. Just like when he asks me for favours, I have every right to say, “no”. Usually in this situation I accept his response and do it myself. Usually however he is very willing to help me out. The other circumstance I am much less thrilled about. When he is asked or reminded to do something that is his job, (pick up his toys, put laundry in the hamper etc) and he says no because he doesn’t feel like it. When I know without a shadow of a doubt that it is about being lazy, not about needing to be shown care.

When this happens I remind him of household expectations. I also employ logical consequences. He didn’t clean his room after himself earlier in the day, it needs to be cleaned before bed. We go upstairs at bedtime and find the mess and discover we will not have time for a bedtime story by the time his room is cleaned up. He drops food on the ground at a meal and refuses to pick it up, well I can do it but I may do it really slowly. It may take way longer for us to head out to the park than planned. We will still go but we will likely have less play time there because the time alotted was used up in doing the task for him.

I want my kids to know that I love to help them with things. I value their independence, but I also value that connection. The juggling act is making sure that they do not feel entitled to my help, or feel I should do everything for them. I want them to learn responsibility after all! I think experiencing both sides of this scenario with Little Miss wanting less help, and Mr Man wanting more has been invaluble to me. I am learning a lot more about observing them closely and noticing the nuances.

Me Do It

Me Do It

by | Aug 18, 2022 | Parenting, Parenting Toddlers

“Me do it”. As a Montessori homeschooler these words are music to my ears. As a parent who occassionally just really needs to have tasks done in a sane amount of time these same words can be an alarm. It is a warning to back off, or face the big feelings that will accompany the breach of boundaries. Little Miss has been going through a really big “me do it” stage lately. She wants to self dress, brush her own teeth, do her own hair, do her own laundry, buckle herself in the car and in one case swim unaccompanied (she cannot swim). So as a parent who attempts to be respectful of children’s boundaries, and teach them that they have bodily autonomy how do we address the cases where we have no choice but to push past the boundary? How do we decide when it is non negotiable?

In our home we have set the expectation very clearly from day one. It is the parents job to make sure our kids are safe and healthy. So whenever our child’s boundary gets in the way of us keeping them healthy or safe we kindly but firmly explain what needs to happen, and then do it. So for example when my toddler wants to buckle herself in the car but she cannot tighten the straps well enough independently. I will tell her yes I know you want to do it, you can do the clips. My job is to keep you safe and now I am going to tighten the straps. I do not negotiate or try to explain myself, I just say what will happen and do it quickly. Any feelings that follow are totally fair! She can be upset, angry, sad and I will sit with those feelings and empathize. But it never changes what needs to happen. The longer we argue about it, or I try to convince her it is necessary the less confident I will seem, and the less able to accept the action that needs to happen. Children respond well to confident leadership, just like adults do.

Try to imagine your boss tells you that they will be overseeing a part of your project that you expected to be working on indepently. You may be a little annoyed with them. Now imagine they tell you that, but then waste your time explaining why they must do this, and how you are a great worker, and they are so sorry, and they understand how you feel. I don’t know about you but that situation seems much more frustrating to me than the original approach. If they are being honest in that second scenario then they would not need to oversee that part of your project. You would be much more likely to accept their confident input, over their cajoling.

It is important to let children express their own boundaries, but it is equally as important to confidently express, and maintain yours.

“Never help a child with a task at which he feels he can succeed.” – Maria Montessori

I think this quote may be a source of some of the confusion, which is why I think it is important to note that she also says this:

“Any unnecessary help given to a child is a hindrance to development” -Maria Montessori

Any unnecessay help. Sometimes a child may feel they can succeed at something independently, but it may be entirely necessary to help, like in the example of my daughter wanting to swim alone. She felt she could succeed, she wanted to try it alone. It was also very necessary to be there beside her as she has little experience with water and cannot swim.

So what it all comes down to is that every time you need to decide whether or not you can step back and allow your child to do it themselves really depends on the circumstances. It is a matter of whether or not your help is absolutely necessary.

An Invitation to Play

An Invitation to Play

by | Aug 17, 2022 | Homeschool, Parenting, Parenting Hacks, Parenting preschoolers, Parenting Toddlers, Toddler, Toddler Activities, Toddler Environment

As a home childcare provider I find parents are often curious how I manage to get so much done in my home. I provide childcare, homeschool, write and have a large collection of plants and animals that I care for in my home. I am the one who primarily does the cooking and house work as well since I am the parent who has more time to do so, my husband works many more hours than I do. I was thinking about it this morning when a client was shocked that all three fish tanks in the house were mine. She asked how I manage everything. I think one of the most useful tools in my parenting (and childcare) arsenal has been the invitation to play. This is the tool that lets me get so much done each day. Many evenings before I settle down for the night I set out a few invitations to play. Something in my living room that will greet the children as they arrive (either my own two from upstairs or my clients on daycare days), something in my dining room to attract them while I prepare breakfast, and something in the playroom to draw the children in while I tidy and move us through that transition.
The strategic use of invitations to play has saved me so much time, energy and conflict. So what is it? It is exactly what it sounds like. Some call it strewing, literally strewing toys around to entice children, some call it a provocation to play (technically a little different but I use both) and as this post suggests some call it the invitation.

Take a few minutes to set out a few toys, art supplies, or even random household objects out in a play area (or another surprising area) to draw your child’s curiousity and provoke them to play. This morning I set a few blocks out in a row, put a few cars on top and then rested a baby doll at the end of my makeshift track. It took me two minutes to prepare, and bought me thirty minutes of play and giggles from my daughter and two daycare clients. By the time they finished playing and decided they were ready for breakfast, I was ready for them with a prepared meal. After breakfast they were ready to hop right into the bingo dabber and sticker art invitations that I had set out on trays on the floor around my dining room. While they explored the art materials I made myself a coffee and tidied up breakfast. Then we moved down to the playroom. Last night I had spent 5 minutes taping a picture of a washing machine to a tiny cupboard, filled a basket with doll clothes and hung a makeshift clothesline. The kids were thrilled when they discovered this invitation and played indepently while I drank my coffee and observed. This is just an example of a morning where I used a few different invitations to make my day run more smoothly. They can be used anywhere however. I have placed small dinosaur toys and pebbles out on our driveway near where we park. Conviently out of the way of where I need to carry groceries up to the house. My children are equally likely to either help me with the groceries or get drawn into that play area, but either way I have an easy and unhindered trip to bring the groceries in the house.

Similarly I have left a couple shovels in the front garden, just sticking out of the soil along with a pile of bush clippings. I have set paint and twigs out on my picnic table when I noticed some children are ready to head inside before others. Small starts to activities. Simple ideas or prompts that the children can develop. That is all it takes, a few minutes of planning and some strategic timing and placement. Let me know below if you are interested in hearing about some ideas for invitations or provocations to play.

Chaos

by | Aug 16, 2022 | Parenting, Parenting Toddlers

I want to share a moment from my parenting adventure that really made me realize the insensity of this whole parenting thing. I honestly did not find babyhood all that challenging the first time around. Sure I was exhausted, breastfeeding hurt, and there was a learning curve to understanding my kids cues. Overall I had not found the first year of motherhood all that difficult. I remember joking with another mom that the most challenging thing so far was learning to clip that squrimy baby’s nails. I still hate clipping their nails.

Anyways there was an evening when my son was around fourteen or fifteen months old when my husband was going to be home later than he usually was, he was guessing ten or eleven. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to binge a series that he was not a huge fan of and thought maybe I could put my son down to bed a little early. I flew through dinner and clean up pretty smoothly, gave my tot a fun bubble bath, took a quick shower myself and then settled him down in bed. After nursing for a few minutes I kissed him goodnight and got myself ready for a little Netflix binge.

I had just sat down when I heard my son fussing. It was unusual for him because at this point he generally went right to sleep after I said good night. The fussing continued so I went upstairs to see what was going on, he seemed upset and since he was on a floor bed I snuggled on down next to him and asked what was wrong. He turned to look at me and promptly threw up. It went all over my face, my hair, and my shirt. It was on my hands and I even wiped it away from my eyes. The worst part was that it went in my mouth. No actually it gets worse. In the heat of the moment with my son bawling and me in absolute shock I went to pick him up. I remember it going in my mouth but I have zero recollection of what I did with it. I like to believe I didn’t swallow it but I will never actually know. Every time I remember this moment I feel a little sick to my stomach.

So, there I was trying to console my vomit covered toddler while ignoring the fact that I too was puke covered. After he calmed down a little I stripped us both and we took a really thorough shower together. He was cranky and tired at this point so it was no easy feat! After our shower I had just finished getting dressed and getting Mr man dressed when I suddenly had to sneeze. Now there are lots of jokes about moms crossing their legs to sneeze after they have had babies. There is a good reason for that, my pelvic floor was not as strong as it was before my kid was born. Well it happened. I sneezed, and it was actually multiple sneezes in a row. I realized immediately that I would need another shower because I had forgotten to cross my legs to sneeze. A mistake I will never make again.

So after my third shower of the evening I was ready to try the whole bedtime thing again. I brought Mr man to his room and realized that in my rush to clean us up I had forgotten something. I still had a vomit covered bed to clean up. I changed the sheets quickly and started a load of laundry. Everything was done now and all that was left was bedtime itself.

I think most parents are familiar with what happens when young children are up well past their bedtimes. First they are tired and cranky, then they are overtired and hyper. Eventually a crash comes, but at this point in my story my one year old was in full overtired and hyper mode. He was running and yelling and had absolutely no intention of going back to bed. It was at this point my husband arrived home. I gave him a brief overview of the evening and then he took over bedtime for me.

I went downstairs, sat on the couch and stared at the paused Netflix show. I reflected on what had just happened and all I could think was, ” I must have spat it out”.

This event was the one that made me realize that all the quotes, stories, and jokes about parenting being really hard were very true. What I had experienced up until that point had been hard sure, but not the absurd type of hard. The type of hard that makes you want to laugh, and cry, and hide all at once. That was the kind I experienced that night, and have experienced many times since, especially since adding a second child to the mix.

Please share your stories of parenting moments that made you feel this way below, I think we all need to know that we are not alone in the wierd, amazing, funny, exhausting, mind numbing and stressful chaos of parenthood.

Great Expectations

Great Expectations

by | Aug 15, 2022 | Parenting, Sensory DIYs

When my husband and I first seriously started discussing starting a family I immeditately started forming expectations and imagining what my child would be like. We had already selected a name before we even found out that I was indeed expecting. We had already spent hours discussing how we would set up the home for a child, how we would discipline, and how we would eat once the baby was born. My husband and I still laugh each time we pass happy meals back to our kids while leaving the drive through. We vividly remember the moment we said we would probably have to stop eating fast food any time now because our son was nearly the right age for solids.

I am getting ahead of myself here. Back to when I was pregnant and wanting to set up the perfect Montessori space for first child. I had these ideas of a kid friendly home where my son could explore and have a yes space. Where he would not need any play pens or cribs. I wanted to do a floor bed from birth, and planned to only have the beautiful Montessori alighned toys available to my little man. It didn’t take long for those expectations and aspirations to crash into my reality. We lived in a teeny three bedroom apartment with three cats. Our bathroom barely had enough room to turn around in let alone set up a changing and toileting area for a baby. Our kitchen had enough room for one adult to cook or clean, and honestly barely enough space for that. There was no room for a learning tower. No space for stools or low seats, or even low hooks to hang his little sweaters on. We decided to do the best we could with what we had available. We had recently been students and our second bedroom had been set up with computers, desks and books. We moved these to our bedroom to make space for a nursery. We painted and filled the nursery with the furniture we could afford, which was not exactly what I had envisioned but it served its purpose.

The beautiful mobiles that I had been hoping to hang for the first weeks of my sons life were extremely expensive, and the shipping for them was absurd. I realized that there was no way we would be getting them. This was my first DIY project for my son. I made him the Munari, the Gobbi, the Dancers and the Octahedron mobiles. I was honestly not at all satisfied with how they turned out. I wanted to offer my child the best, and I did not feel like these met that expectation. We recieved many beautiful gifts at my baby shower which filled the empty room and soon my son’s space was complete. It was mostly Montessori I told myself and I knew that more than the room and the things, it would be about how we parented this little guy.

I planned for a medication free, natural birth. Well my water broke early one morning and by the following morning my labour still had not started and we found out that I would have to be induced with medication. It jump started my labour, it was intense and quick and I still had my (mostly) natural and (mostly) medication free birth that I had hoped for. The moment that stands out to me is when my son was lifted up for me to see and I looked at him and was surprised that I didn’t recognize him. It should have been obvious, I had never met this little person before, but I realized later that I even had expectations of what he would look like and this contributed to my surprise.

When we brought the baby home things went mostly as I expected. We did the things we had planned on like baby wearing, skin to skin, tummy time and so on. I struggled and cried through breastfeeding. I had expected it to be a lot easier than it was, I had envisioned these beautiful moments of bonding and admiring the baby. What I got instead was awful pain, bleeding, and dread. I did not want to feed him. I found myself trying to stall and wanting to avoid feeding him. I realized I would have to pump instead because I was so tempted to wait and skip feeds. After a few weeks of exclusively pumping I realized it didn’t hurt anymore and we switched back to breastfeeding directly. It was not what I had imagined but I realized how thankful I should be that it was (mostly) working out the way I had hoped.

I did not want to bedshare. It was dangerous right? I was sure we would room share, but never ever bedshare. Well, one night I was holding my son on my lap and I started to doze off. It was not more than a moment or so but he slid and woke me. He was fine and safe but it made me realize how much more dangerous it was to be trying to stay awake in the night when he woke. We carefully rearranged our sleeping arrangements and my son started sleeping beside me. I am not by any means advocating for bedsharing, nor am I advocating against it. What I am saying is that it worked for us at the time, and we did what we needed to do, regardless of what we had hoped to do.

This trend continued in a lot of ways throughout my parenting journey so far. I had my ideas and expectations and what ended up happening, and how we ended up parenting was mostly aligned. I learned pretty quickly that I could not control my child’s experience, and all I had control over was my own reactions (mostly).

Let’s fast forward to my second baby. We were living in a bigger home now and this baby had her nursery set up exactly how I had hoped. I still used my hand made mobiles though. We knew this time around that we would be co sleeping and planned for it. Breastfeeding was easy with my daughter, but I was so busy that half the time I didn’t soak it up, I just rushed through. We had our bathrooms set up for children now, low furniture for them, hooks for their little sweaters, and a playroom dedicated to their learning and development. We had our learning tower in the kitchen, and the Pikler triangle I coveted in our basement. I think you could say we met majority of my hopes and expectations the second time around.

Now here is the big point of all these stories. I didn’t see any big difference in the way my daughter developed as compared to my son. She had the stuff, she had the environment. Yet I essentially parented her the same way. My son is 4.5 and my daughter is 2 now. We have already given away the learning tower, they prefer chairs. We are trying to sell the Pikler triangle, they don’t use it. We are considering having them share a bedroom because they do not use their carefully cultivated bedrooms for anything but sleeping. I will say that the low hooks for their little sweaters have come in handy, we still use those (mostly).

I guess one of the biggest lessons I have faced since my children were born is that I need to manage my expectations. I can have aspirations, and ideals for sure, but they cannot hold so much power over me. I think it is a battle I, and many others will fight our whole parenting journey. We have our ideas about how things will go, and then we have reality to face. It is a feeling that I like to keep close when I find my children fighting over things like Little Miss knocking down Mr Man’s block castle. He had expectations and goals and reality made them come crashing down. It is hard work for people of any age to manage expectations and yet it is also so crucial.