There is a lot more to discipline than just punishment or reaction to poor behavior after the fact. One of the easier discipline tools to implement and practice actually comes before any kind of misbehavior or emotional overwhelm. It is about equipping children with the tools they may need before situations arise that create big emotions. I suppose you could call it preemptive discipline. With my children and the children I have worked with over the years I have found one of the most effective types of preemptive discipline is providing information. Noticing trends and missteps, taking mental notes and then in neutral and unrelated moments supplying relevant information. It is up to the child what to do with that information, and it is best laid out conversationally and not as a lesson. I recently had an opportunity to have a conversation with Mr Man about the challenges and frustrations that come with playing video games. I had noticed some games he plays are causing some stress and tears lately. So during a neutral moment while we were eating a meal together screen free I slipped some information in there. “You know sometimes I notice myself getting so frustrated when I play my game. I just feel so tight inside my chest and tummy. Or sometimes I feel like my eyes are itchy an I want to rub them. That is when I know I need a few minutes to do something else. I noticed that when I take a breath or go get a snack, then that feeling goes away! Then I usually do so much better with my game when I come back!” There is not a direction for him to do the same, there is not an expectation of response just a sharing of information. I have found that this tool has helped with picky eating, with toilet learning, and with general emotional regulation.

In a similar vein to providing information I find providing alternate activities before situations arise can be immensely helpful. In our homeschool room I have set up a table with a box of tissues, a spinning toy, and some yoga cards and mats. Sometimes I bring out some breathing books, finger mazes, or pop its as well. This is a similar idea to the calm down corner that has become very popular, but rather than a focus on the emotions or on an adult guiding the children through their emotions I have provided a space where my children know some of their regulation tools live. When Little Miss starts getting really frustrated or overstimulated I often prompt her to strike a pose and will state an observation. “I noticed you are having a hard time waiting for your turn! Your hands keep wanting to touch that toy! What if we do a downward dog while you wait for your turn?” “Hmm, you are moving around a lot! I wonder if your body is telling you it needs some exercise. What should we do?” Lately she goes and sets up her yoga mat and does a few poses all on her own when she starts to feel the need to calm herself. These may seem like small things- providing information and providing preemptive alternatives but these small tools prevent a lot of bigger conflicts from even starting.